Kissing Every Tiny Finger

Since Sunday, my heart has been heavy and breaking. I have been thinking, praying, hoping for little Layla Grace every waking second.(laylagrace.org). My heart aches for this baby girl. My heart breaks for her parents and her sisters. I can't imagine what they must be going through. Every time I look at Sahara, I think of Layla. Ever since I learned of this sick little girl, I have begun to look at life very differently. I listen to every mamamamama that comes out of Sahara's mouth. I cherish every smile and laugh she makes. I turn the radio down in the car so that I can hear her mumble in the back seat. I savor every time her little hand reaches out so gently to touch something. I don't get frustrated when she puts her hand in the bowl of mac&cheese. It doesn't bother me when she fusses being put down, or can't fall asleep. Amer.ican Idol became unimportant because of a simple game of peek-a-boo.

It scares me knowing that I can't control what happens. I can't control Sahara's health, Ja's health, my own health. I can't control what might happen to my other future babies. I do know that God is good. He holds Layla in His mighty hand. It made me angry at first that He isn't healing Layla the way millions of people are praying He would. He could heal her. Why isn't He? I don't know...I do know that when I read all the comments on her blog, they are overwhelming. So many are reaching out to Christ when they might not have. Families are cherishing each other more. tv's are being turned off so that an old board game gets played. I think about the story in the Bible where Lazarus has died and Jesus weeps for him. I think that it must hurt Jesus to see Baby Layla so sick and dying. But, He says, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God be glorified through it." (John 11:4). And, that is exactly what is going on right now because of Layla. I pray for her comfort and peace. When I pray for her healing, I know that whether He takes her, or heals her earthly body, that prayer gets answered.

"When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands." (JJ Heller)