Trusting

First of all, I want to thank you gals for the sweet comments. I am once again overwhelmed with your generosity and compassion to pray for us and take the time to give me encouragement. Thank you. Your prayers are very much appreciated!

We have an ultrasound today at 12:20. I have to admit that I woke up with several knots in my stomach. We have been doing much better lately, trusting the Lord, taking more time as a family. We are continuing to hope that the Lord will heal our little girl and give us the opportunity to parent her here on earth for a very long time. It seems like every doctors appointment takes away a lot of that hope and we have to build it back up again. Make sense? They have given her a 0% chance of survival. Sometimes, being surrounded by all these doctors who know so much more than me in the medical field, makes it seem like I should be thinking more along the lines of planning a funeral, but I remind myself that our God is the Mighty Physician. And, I go back to dreaming about two little ladies playing in the sun this summer, washing two tiny bodies in the bathtub, and seeing two car seats in my car.

A little while back, when we mostly cried all day, I was praying. It really is amazing how great it is to pray to the Creator of the universe! And, while I was praying for strength and His mercy, I heard a voice in my heart. It was not audible to anyone else, but it was so loud in my heart and mind. It said, "It will be okay." That was it. But, it was said with such confidence and assurance, I know that it was from the Lord because at that time, I know that I could not have mustered up enough courage to tell myself that! I am so thankful and so humbled that He would give me that promise to cling to. He didn't have to 'say' that. I had already decided that I was going to trust Him throughout this entire thing, no matter what happens, but He had compassion on me, and calmed my heart. He is SO GOOD!!!

I have been reading Matthew, and He did so many miracles among the people. He healed the blind, sick, mute, demon-possessed, and lame. I know that He can heal Arrayah. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind or heart that He can. Whether He does or not, I don't know. But, just reading Matthew and seeing the compassion and mercy He has on His people impresses me. And, I know that even if He does take Arrayah, it will be okay. He has indeed surrounded us with His angels and comfort, and I have no doubt that He will continue to do so. I think it will be extremely hard, but I know that He will get us through, and I hope, bless us with another 12 babies! But, in case you couldn't tell already, I am holding out hope that we bring home little Arrayah!!! :)

I was listening to Dr. RC Sproul the other day. He was talking about the story of Elisha and his servant when they were surrounded by the king's army. (2 Kings 6) And, the servant kept asking Elisha what they should do, and Elisha was not worried at all, and prayed that his servant's eyes would be opened. The Lord opened the servant's eyes to see that "the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." (verse 17) Dr. Sproul went on to talk about angels being sent by the Lord to keep His people. And, how because of this story, many people have come to think that we have a guardian angel. Dr. Sproul disagreed with this statement, and instead said that he thinks we have whole armies of angels surrounding us during our difficult times like Elisha had. This, I have thought about for several weeks and it never ceases to amaze me. I think I agree with Dr. Sproul! For, we have felt enveloped in security since finding out about Arrayah.
http://www.ligonier.org/rym/broadcasts/audio/angels-ministers/ (this is the sermon that talks about Elisha)

Thank you again for all your prayers. May I once again ask you to say a prayer for our doctors appointment today? I am hoping that we come back today learning that she is completely healed and healthy! I keep imagining all the people who have been praying for us, (there are hundreds of people in 7 or more states/countries that are praying for us), and the loud rejoicing that would occur with hearing that news. I think of all the praises that would go up to our Heavenly Father and how loud it would be in Heaven with our rejoicing here and the angels rejoicing up there! I swear, I would throw the biggest party ever!!

"For THOU didst form my inward parts; THOU didst weave me in my my mother's womb. I will give thanks to THEE, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are THY works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from THEE, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. THINE eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in THY book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." Psalm 139:13-16