Appointment Overview

In my last post I mentioned that I wasn't that nervous about the ultrasound that was scheduled for today. And, then Sunday, I got a little bit of anxiety throughout the day, but nothing major. Monday, I was a train wreck. Everything just weighed so heavily on me. I ended up breaking down over the phone to Ja, telling him that I was so tired of this entire situation. I mean, this is the longest thing ever! Isn't it? It's been over three months of knowing about Ry, meeting a ton of new doctors, crying, praying, waking up at night and staying up for a couple of hours just pleading to God to spare her. And, I had had it by Monday. We have not only dealt with this, but also during these last three months we have dealt with a flea infestation, and yes I am horribly embarrassed to announce this, I really do keep a clean house!! I promise! So, we had to pack everything up, bomb the place (I don't think it was as bad as the insect bomb required it to be, but I couldn't take it!), had to wash EVERYTHING in hot water. It was something I hope to never have to deal with again! We also are dealing with some medical things with Ja. It just seemed like I couldn't take anymore. But, after having Ja say a prayer for me over the phone and giving me a pep talk, I mustered up some more gumption, and as Ja would say, "put that chin up, suck that gut in, put those hands up," and got through the day.
Tuesday was a lot better and so was today. I was a little nervous just because I was so afraid they were going to have me make a ton of hard decisions today and talk about inducing labor because of the size of her abdomen, but nothing had to be decided today! They didn't even talk about inducing. Ja was able to go with me and that was really nice to have someone else to answer questions and talk things through. Ja and I have agreed on everything so far and think very similarly so I let him do all the talking and I just sat there and zoned out! Not really, but I didn't have to say much. :)
So all in all, it was a pretty good appointment. The doctor said some things that he hadn't before, and put me at ease and I didn't feel like he was already counting her as dead, which most of the doctors, including him, have done in the past. He did say that it is difficult for him as well to have to be near to this sort of situation, especially having delivered Sahara. That was really sweet to hear and made me have more compassion towards him, and so today, I put away the MamaBear that seems to come out in me every time we go to the doctors!
Thank you, all you prayer warriors who have lifted us up in prayer! They were certainly felt today, and I am sure that's what got me through Monday!
Sorry if this post seems to be a large complaint. I don't in anyway mean to drown my blog in my life sorrows! But, I do want to write my feelings down so that down the road I can look back and thank the Lord that He got me through this! And, I hope to read these posts and think, "dang, how did I deal with all that!!" I fully intend on being Superwoman this halloween! (just kidding) ;)