AWESTRUCK

I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with our AWESOME GOD! He has worked in my heart and life in a way that I never imagined. And, I am so thankful for the new heart He has given me, it's strange to say, but I would go through this again just to again be amazed with Him. He has worked in so many tiny details and have been so near and close to me that I cannot put into words how incredible our God really is.

I went to an all-night prayer conference on Friday night. It started at midnight and went til 6am Saturday morning. At first I was a little overwhelmed with the amount of women there. Over 650 women came to pray and offer praise to our Lord. It was incredible. We started out with praise music and my emotions flooded me and I began to cry. That day and the day before, it began to be really uncomfortable to carry Arrayah without amniotic fluid. Her movements felt like there was no buffer between me and her. I wasn't able to stand during the music, but just sat and cried. I felt like a fool. Already I was sobbing and we were only 5 minutes into the evening. After a little while, I went out and called Ja. I wanted to go home. After talking with him, I felt better and almost like this feeling was from Satan. Like he didn't want me there. I decided to stick it out and stay. And, am so happy I did. After a few more songs, we broke up into groups since there were so many of us. We were each given a name card that had a name of God and two Bible verses on them. The gal running the conference said that they had been praying for months that God would give each card to the woman that needed it. I was a little nervous with what my card might say. But, it was absolutely perfect. The name was Daddy, Father. And the verse was "Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet, I want Your will, not mine." Mark 14v36. And, the second verse was, " So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15v20.

We went around in a circle and said what name card we got, the verses, and then why we thought we received that card. When it came to my turn, I broke down and told them about Ry and how perfect this card was for me. The women came around me, laid their hands on me and prayed. After a little while we went back to sing as a large group, and I no longer had pain carrying her. It was so weird. I was able to stand, take a walk around the huge building three times to pray and had no pain. Her movements no longer hurt.

The entire conference was wonderful. It was so good to pray there with so many women and to dedicate the entire night to the Lord God. I cannot wait til next year!

When I came home, I told Ja about no longer feeling the pain and wondered if maybe God had healed her. After praying and thinking, I called the doctor on Monday and asked for an ultrasound. This morning, they had an opening. I decided to take it. And, then was scared. Scared that I was wrong. Scared that I would be a wreck afterward if she wasn't healed. Last night Ja and I spent time in prayer and reading Scriptures. This morning we did the same. Lately, the Psalm 103 has been on my mind.
Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
⁶ The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, my soul.

I think it's perfect. Isn't it?!?

At the ultrasound, I saw that her kidneys looked the same. Full of cysts and huge. But, by God's mercy, I didn't feel depressed. I kept thinking about my verse that was on that name card and felt completely at peace. I have never felt like that at an ultrasound. Usually it takes quite a few days to bounce back as you all have witnessed by my previous posts. A new doctor came in to talk to me, and I know she felt bad, but I have to say, I am so sick of the pity eyes! And, boy did she lay them on thick! She told me that there was no amniotic fluid left. So, I have no idea why Ry feels different. Maybe the Lord is holding her for me. I'm not sure. But, it continues to give me hope that prayer does work. That our Father really does care and is listening. After she left and it was just my mom and I, I said how sick of the pity eyes I was and that I didn't want them anymore. I didn't need them. I know that the Lord was with me today, because I felt strong. I felt just fine. I am continuing to hope. And pray. And pray. And pray!

Thank you for following my story and walking with me down a road that I have never in a million years thought I would have to walk down. Your prayers and comments have meant the world to me. Please please please continue to offer up pleas on our and Ry's behalf. How great it is to be able to ask this of you, my sisters and brothers in Christ. I pray for you all daily, as well. xoxo