Arrayah's Birthday

As you know, we have a few birthdays in April ;)

Right after Lyon was born, was Arrayah's third birthday. Amazing to think she would be three now. How has it been that long? And, how have we made it this far without her? It surprises me every time we have a new baby and I kiss them on the lips, it floods back memories of me kissing her. Her tiny lips formed in an 'o'. I could feel every crease in them. Lips that I can't kiss anytime I want anymore. The first time I kissed Isla when she was born, my eyes welled up and I was transported back to when we were in the hospital with Ry. I had forgotten how similar their tiny lips are and again shocked when I welled up again kissing Lyon after he was born. Memories of precious moments of a life that was gone far too soon.

I think about her often. Especially when I'm watching Sahara and Isla play. I picture the three of them playing dolls, princesses. Would she be as obsessed with princesses as her sister? What would she choose as a theme for her birthday? Would she too only like Toms strawberry toothpaste and despise all other toothpaste, no matter who was on the cover? Would she be bossy or passive? I do know that she would be in love with her sisters and brother, no doubt.

Her sisters talk about her all the time. She is included in pictures drawn of our family, stories told about our family when trying to get silly girls ready for bed. Almost every stranger we run into at the store is told about her by her big sister; not always the most comfortable story for a stranger to hear. And, whenever I am asked how many children I have, the answer is always, 4. Truth be told, if someone asks me that question at a store that I'll most likely never see again, I say 4, include their ages and pretend that I really have 4 at home with their dad.

We released balloons this year again for her birthday up at her grave site. Her sisters love choosing their favorite balloons to release.

Happy birthday, Arrayah Lovie! You are my sweet baby girl that touched my heart in a way that no one ever has before. You are in my thoughts every day and in my heart forever. I love you my little one.
Love, your Mama
xoxo