One Full Year

Today is Arrayah's birthday. It's been a full year. How? How the heck did we make it? It feels like forever, and yet, like yesterday that we held her. I had been dreading this day for a long time. Basically, since this time last year, wondering how hard it was going to be. How I was going to feel. Was it going to be a day of celebration or a day that I curl up into a ball and weep. And, while I still sometimes feel like I want to do that, today wasn't like that. In fact, today was a really good day. And, that surprised me. A very wonderful surprise.
Ja took the day off, which I was really happy about. We got to sleep in, (mostly since we were up so late at the hospital last night-Isla still has not made her debut, and I have been sent home from the hospital twice now. Basically, I am going to wait til I am screaming in pain, or my water breaks before I head in there again.) and then got ready to go. We went to the store and Sahara chose some helium balloons and flowers. And, then we met my parents and little sister up at her grave. We kept three balloons on her grave, two purple stars and one happy birthday balloon, and then each one of us let go of a purple star balloon. We watched them until they were completely out of sight. After we let them go, Sahara kept asking, "But how do we get them back?" We ended up keeping one happy birthday balloon for her to keep. :)
After that we headed off to lunch and had a really nice time with my family. We spent the day over at their house, and Sahara and I baked a cake and decorated it. She loves to help in the kitchen and especially loved picking out all the decorations to go on the cake.

I had a lot of people text, call, or facebook me, and that was really special. We were kind of hoping that Isla would come today, but she stayed in. I have only a few more days til my due date, and since I have never even made it to 39 weeks with my two other girls, I'm a little more than surprised that my third would stay in the longest! We will see when she comes, and I hope it is soon!

Happy Birthday, Arrayah Lovie! I wish I could cover you in kisses. I think about you all the time and miss you like crazy. You are my very special girl, and I love you dearly. I can't wait to see you again and see your big brown eyes stare into mine. I love you so incredibly much, my sweet Baby.
Love, Mama